Fact- There’s a cult that lays down few standards, each mainstream Indian family needs to comply to, in order to be acceptable in society. The cult is formed by the followers and preachers of the great ultimate gospel, the doctrine of Jugaad. Fact over, in case you didn’t notice.
*intense music over*
So all you with your Fomo’s, get in line and start paying attention. Don’t miss out on any of them. I repeat. No missing.
1. Acceptable career options: Engineer, Doctor, C.A. (newly added), Shaadi (applicable to girls only). Any diversion from above-mentioned routes shall result in being branded with ‘naalayak‘
2. Acceptable marks: Full.
Failure in compliance should be handled with the right balance of gaaliyan, taaney and chappalein.
3. Optimum utilisation of clothes must be maintained by passing on the same clothes for generations: Note that the basic life cycle of a cloth is
Purchase- usage 476 generations later- holi attire- pocha– waiver.
4. Each item in the almirah has to be sorted into two broad categories: Namely, ‘ghar ke‘ (to be worn whenever you want) and ‘bahar ke‘ (expensive and fabulous shit, you need a special Mahurat for, before wearing). Any other categorization shall be labelled as ‘kabada‘
5. The bottles are never thrown away: Once the product is all consumed, right up to its last drop, it should be obsessively washed, dried in the sun, and re-filled with another liquid or stocked, for later use.
6. You have to squeeze the death out of the previous toothpaste tube before opening another one: To make sure each penny you’ve spent on the shit is thoroughly consumed.
7. Acceptable hairstyle: Girl- long but braided; boy- short but gelled. Little variation and the kid will cross the awara barrier.
8. The extra Re. 1 in the money envelopes (i mean lifafa ya dumb folks) stands for the extra point in your sanskaar collection.
9. Ordering desserts in a restaurant is unacceptable: ..totally banned.. banished by the middle-class law and punishable by ‘mother dairy hi chalte hai’
10. Packing all the hotel toiletries with your luggage is your ‘rehen–sidh–adhikaar‘ and nothing should come between you and your duty to achieve this.
+1 Shagun. Overstuffing the guests with meals is an indicator of ‘on point’ mehmaan nawaazi and is directly proportional to your respect in society.
By Vasundhra Aggarwal