Diy: Chetan Bhagat Novel

As you all might be painfully aware of how the great novelist Chetan Bhagat’s recent tweet has claimed him ‘moving from writing‘ to make electric cars, which has undoubtedly, left us people in great despair and deprived of his incredible vision and wonderfully articulated barf.. ahem books.
But no need to shed all those salty drops just so soon, for we have decided to feature these masterpieces in today’s episode of ‘DIY with Nutkhatt‘,
We have come up with the perfect recipe to cook up a Chetan Bhagat masterpiece without even contacting the real deal. Don’t thank us yet.

Ingredients required:
> 1 Unusually attractive Wonderwoman
> 1 Painfully Ordinary Man
> 4½ tbsp. Unorganized plot
> 2509 tbsp. Unrestrained details
> Intellectual touch to taste
> Pinch of some pornography.

The Making:
The hormonally charged IIT atmosphere and the romance it builds up is the binding fabric of this novel. 

1. Hot Chick: To make a Chetan Bhagat book, the aromatic and sizzling ingredient used is the Wonderwoman who’d be hot, no cancel that super hot, cooker hot, and might as well stand naked in front of the mirror and dissect her body parts for the reader’s benefit. But we aren’t objectifying her because that’s a big No-No. Also, make her ambitious, with sorted priorities and a love for rebellion and such, and then completely shift her focus to the ultimate standpoint of everyone’s life, M.A.R.R.I.A.G.E. Yay sanskaar!

2. Ordinary Hero: Once your sizzling heroine is all set, move on to the painfully ordinary and dull hero of the dish who is the most uninteresting being, also less intellectually inclined, awkward and doesn’t have a bone of ambition in his body despite studying in some of the most esteemed institutions of the country. Because zindagii me sex aa rha hai. Aur kya chahiye? No?

3. Twist…umm…No: Now as both your prime ingredients are ready, sauté them in the completely new, unique and never-done-before ‘boy meets girl, they fall in love, somehow they live happily ever after’ criteria, which may or may not be subjected to inter-community issues, corruption, sex racket and other totally possible realistic events.

4. Insights: You have to cook the unorganized plot with unbearable and unrestrained details having 2705 pages consisting of each and every minor and majorly important detail of the dude-babe meet like how she takes care of her dupatta, how she blushes, places where she has her moles, time she takes to take off her clothes, the sound of her snores, how she flushes her poop. Everything.

5. Intellectual Stuff: Blend the mixture with random and unresearched trending and intellectual sounding topics. Godhra riots, feminism, cricket, corruption, prostitution or BPOs, anything that sounds half intellectual and interesting is good to go. Also, each bit(e) of conversation should have the totally kewl ‘F-word’, because that’s how youth talks.

6. Twist..umm..No(2): Now heat up the pan and add a twist so as to spice up the masala dish you’re making. This twist could be totally anticipated like a sudden entry of a hot dude or something completely out of the world like a sudden uncanny divine intervention.

7. Sex: Garnish the dish with some pornography to invoke an unnecessary sense of titillation (pun unintended). Because hey, sex sells.

Serve your dish with a numerical title, fractions are acceptable too, to showcase your mathematical skills and enjoy the aftertaste of existential crisis. 🙂

By Vasundhra Aggarwal